So fighting with my roommates is awesome. I don’t know why people have to be so selfish and inconsiderate all the time.
Today has been pretty slow and draggy. It’s been beautiful outside though which is kind of a bitter sweet thing because it’s lovely but also making me smoke more because I know it won’t be freezing to go out and have a ciggarette. I have been eating alright I suppose, I don’t feel super bloated so I suppose that’s a good sign. I’m working until close tonight and then going to the gym with boyfriend. Mm, work out. I’ve been good about the gym the past week and im proud of myself.
I’ll post my workout after the gym. As for now just eating some tomato and basil with penne for dinner at work. Two more hourss.
One more. :)
I don’t know what my weight is this morning but no complaints as of yet.
I find myself constantly thinking that I am not living my life to the fullest. Do you ever just stop and think if you knew you would die tomorrow, would you be happy with the life you lived? I do, and I wouldn’t be. And that is horrible. Every couple of months I make a list of goals for myself and I say I will complete them, I have this awesome motivational mindset for a day or two and I actually do keep up with them. And then I do what I always do, I make excuses for myself. I say I can pick it back up tomorrow, missing one day wont kill me, who am I kidding I probably wouldn’t have completed it anyway? etc. This very reason is why I failed both classes last semester, why I cannot go back to my school because I lost my financial aid, why my college transcript has become pathetic. This is something I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about for weeks. I haven’t told a single person that I failed all my classes or that I’m on financial suspension. Because its embarrassing. I am smarter than that. The classes weren’t even that difficult, I just stopped caring. I made EXCUSES for myself to stop caring. I’m sick of being that person. I want to get so much more out of life than what I have. So I have a new plan for myself, and I am going to push through every damn day, I don’t care how busy/tired/depressed/lazy I am. I’m going to do it. Because I desperately need to prove to myself that I am more than the person I’ve started to become.
I am going back to school. I am undecided on what I want to do right now (medical assisting, CNA, dental assisting) but I am going back to school THIS year and I am going to work on getting an actual degree in something. I will not settle for working retail until I’m in my 30’s. I want a career not a job.
I am going to get my license before the month of January is over. I need to suck it up and stop fearing failing again. I will try to practice as much as my mom/others will let me drive their car. I will NOT be 20 years old and without a license.
I am going to go to the gym more. I’m not just going to ‘say’ I will go to the gym more, if I have any free time between work that allows me to stop at the gym and get an hour in, I will do it. I’m going to set a goal of 3 times a week.
*To add to the gym statement, all morning I’ve been going back in forth on going to the gym this afternoon considering I have the whole day off. I’ve convinced myself out of it numerous times with “Its cold outside”, “I wont be able to go tomorrow, why bother starting today?”, “I have a book that needs reading”, “I have a headache”. I’m going in about an hour when the next bus comes into town.
I am going to stop eating so much fast food/junk food. My stomach is not a garbage can. This is something that I battle with on a day to day. I don’t eat very much, but when I do it is typically very unhealthy because I’m too lazy to put effort in to making something healthy. You know what stephanie? The more you eat that shit, the shittier your going to look and feel when summer comes around, AGAIN. Every single summer I hate myself for not getting my ass in gear over the winter and getting into good shape, and I spend the majority of it eating healthy for 3 days and then giving in with excuses. Not this summer. No.
I am going to cut out soda completely. (I did good with this goal until I had to work until 4am doing inventory, where I drank a 16 fl oz of mountain dew for the caffeine, other than that I have kept up with it and I no longer crave any soda)
I am going to try my hardest to move out of my moms house this year. I have two other roomates that will factor this decision, but I will give it my all to save my money so I can afford it before the summer comes around.
I will pay off 1/2 of my student loan this year. (250 dollars)
I will floss every single night. (I forget sometimes <.<)
I will be nicer to my mom/little brother.
I will take a trip somewhere this year.
I will complete a long term goal.
I am going to do these things.
Life is way to short to sit around waiting to change. I don’t need a new year to become a better person. All I need is today.
Whooops :x, sorry zackary!
I had a dream last night that my boyfriend was trying to force me on a really really big rollercoaster and I was terrified. There was a waterslide incorporated somewhere on the steps leading up to the rollercoaster, and I decided to give it a shot to hopefully further delay going on the rollercoaster. Well, turns out you had to go down the waterslide head first and when i climbed in it got really tight and small and I felt like I could barely breathe. I wanted to get out but I couldn’t and the only way out was to go down. Then once I was pushed down I wanted to hold my nose so I didn’t get a ton of water up it when I splashed to the bottom of the pool head first, but I couldn’t get my hands up.
I hate dreams with underlying meanings. I know I’m avoiding problems in life right now subconscious, okay? I KNOW.
Zackary you are so handsome <3
Prettttty positive I got the job :) They had me sign background check papers and told me the district manager would be giving me a call. So excited! This means I’ll be able to definitely move out next year!
Go awaaaaaaaaaaay. Ugh. I still have like a bajillion people to shop for.
Okay, like 5. But still.
I got the little brothers done:
Travis - Puppy Dog Hood Robe
Jason - Monster Feet Slippers
Best Friend almost done:
Sarah - Stress Relief Candle, Christmas polka dotted fuzzy socks, and yucky face wash she wants (still need to buy that one)
Boyfriend not even started:
Zackary - Some sort of star wars related nerdy thing, and a movie I think. Homemade card written in our language because we’re losers<3
Parents still unshopped for:
Mom - Hair Straightner
Dad - Some sort of a ridiculous winter hat that I will force him to wear.
Grammy is done:
- Cute Christmas mug with her name on it. (coffee-aholic, its fitting)
Friends not done:
Lizzie - Cupcakes
Jonas - Something argyle